How Much Longer?

How much longer will i have to wait? it's been two weeks that we've both known and probably months before that that it's been going on yet we still can't move forward from this point. I just wish that for a moment you could look at this through my eyes and see what i see; feel what i feel. If only you actually knew how much i wanted this... Sadly, it's not just me in the picture. I want so badly for you to pick me, but at the same time i know how much you want to be with him and it breaks my heart to know that i might not get the chance to be in the picture much longer... I just feel like there's something more i could do to show you how much you mean to me and how much i want this but i can't seem to figure out what that something is... Maybe it's just not meant to be, and that's ok; but for this moment, right here, right now, it hurts like hell every minute. Somehow i think this is going to be one of the hardest things i've ever been through, yet i want it to happen. I want to feel the pain of rejection but i want to feel the weight lifted from my chest when i finally hear what you say. At least if it's the pain, i'll be able to feel something for a while... So many emotions to describe how i feel. I feel hurt, wanted, unwanted, sad, like i've never wanted anything more in my life, like i would do anything and everything it takes to get you. I see you everyday in school, and it used to be carefree and easy to meet and hang out, but now it's tense and emotional and anything but easy and carefree. I feel horrible for being part of the stress of deciding and no amount of self loathing or punishment could change that. Normally i would tell myself to make a pros and cons list, but if i did there wouldn't be any cons so it would defeat the purpose. Listen, all i know is that you are the most important person in my life aside from the obvious (my mom) and i don't want to risk our friendship, but i've never wanted something more than this. Do what you want to do, and i'll take what i get. Choosing the opposite of me won't make you a bad person, it just means you know what you want.