I know it's been a while since i last blogged, but I've been super busy so I'm gonna try and do this more often. Besides, it kinda helps when i need to talk but have no one specific to talk to.
So since I last blogged, the guy i like has been flirting with me non stop in theatre class. I'll admit, I've been flirting back, but that's just natural instinct for a girl. Hormones take over and all that good stuff. But anyways. I'm actuallty kinda tempted to take a leap and see if he feels the same as me. My friends say it's obvious that he does, but i can't tell for sure. It would be super awkward if he didn't but I think he does, so i might do it.
He's also 14. I'm 16. But age shouldn't matter right? i mean, it's the personality that counts. He's hilarious, always making me laugh, (sometimes when we aren't supposed to be laughing, but who cares lol) It really is never a dull moment.
There's also that part of me that wants to stay single for the rest of the year. and maybe next year too. No boys = no drama = no stress, which = good! I've had so much bad luck with boys in the past two years that I'm tempted to just give up on them until i graduate. I said that back in november and just cuz life sucks like that, i had to start liking someone. GRRRR!!!!! lol
I think i might just talk to him. it makes sense right? i mean, we obviously both like eachother, so it shouldn't be that hard. Ohh well, fingers crossed i suppose. Who knows, maybe things will change.
Till next time, maybe the odds be ever in your favour!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
thoughts in theatre.
Friendship. It's something i have, but dont always understand. It brings people together and tears them apart. There are times when you need you friends, and times when they do something to upset you and you just want them to leave you alone for a while so you can think. I have a couple good friends, but only one best friend. She's older than me and i think of her like my big sister (even when I act more mature than she does lol) It's good to have a best friend that you can tell anything to, but sometimes you can't talk to them because they are the source of the problem and you dont want to hurt their feelings.
I've recently been in that situation. My best friend did something she said she wasnt going to do anymore and didn't tell me about it. I found out from someone else about it. I was really upset and stressed out but didn't want her to know. So i did what every other normal teenager does, and i hid my feelings. I'm not proud of it, but i had to do it. She felt so bad about it and was apologizing throughout the day. I got home that night and was so stressed and had so much anger and emotion pent up inside me that as soon as something went wrong i began to cry. I cried and talked to my mom for a good 15 minutes. I hadn't cried that much in a long time. Then way later on in the night, my best friend started texting me and asking me what was wrong, and when i didnt say anything, she called me. So i stood in my bathroom like a trooper and listened to her apologize and all that. Then she did something that caught me off guard. She brought one of my old best friends into the picture and told me she didn't deserve a friend like me and all this stuff. That set me off and i was crying...again.
There's nothing worse than having an old friend brought into an emotional conversation. It just makes you think back to all the times you had with them and how much it hurt to lose them and how they just seem to shrug off the fact that you still care about them. It tears at the space they left when they broke the friendship, and you feel the sting of the heartache. It's like when you get a cut or a scrape and it stings when you touch it, but eventually it goes away and all thats left is a scar to forever remind you of what you lost. Being reminded of that scar brings back the pain and makes it feel like its a brand new cut again.
In all honesty though, I'm starting to think that maybe what happened with her wasnt such a bad thing. i mean, sure i lost a great friendship, but it allowed me to make a new one with someone just as wonderful and amazing. So even when she fucks things up, we'll work through it because I would rather just fight and make up than lose her. She means so much to me and to lose her would be like losing a part of my soul. I'm not immortal, i cant survive a blow to my soul. I can't make a horcrux and put part of my soul in it. She really is part of me now.
And yes, i thought about all of this in about a 10 minute span in theatre class today. Crazy, i know.
Until next time, may the odds be ever in your favour.
I've recently been in that situation. My best friend did something she said she wasnt going to do anymore and didn't tell me about it. I found out from someone else about it. I was really upset and stressed out but didn't want her to know. So i did what every other normal teenager does, and i hid my feelings. I'm not proud of it, but i had to do it. She felt so bad about it and was apologizing throughout the day. I got home that night and was so stressed and had so much anger and emotion pent up inside me that as soon as something went wrong i began to cry. I cried and talked to my mom for a good 15 minutes. I hadn't cried that much in a long time. Then way later on in the night, my best friend started texting me and asking me what was wrong, and when i didnt say anything, she called me. So i stood in my bathroom like a trooper and listened to her apologize and all that. Then she did something that caught me off guard. She brought one of my old best friends into the picture and told me she didn't deserve a friend like me and all this stuff. That set me off and i was crying...again.
There's nothing worse than having an old friend brought into an emotional conversation. It just makes you think back to all the times you had with them and how much it hurt to lose them and how they just seem to shrug off the fact that you still care about them. It tears at the space they left when they broke the friendship, and you feel the sting of the heartache. It's like when you get a cut or a scrape and it stings when you touch it, but eventually it goes away and all thats left is a scar to forever remind you of what you lost. Being reminded of that scar brings back the pain and makes it feel like its a brand new cut again.
In all honesty though, I'm starting to think that maybe what happened with her wasnt such a bad thing. i mean, sure i lost a great friendship, but it allowed me to make a new one with someone just as wonderful and amazing. So even when she fucks things up, we'll work through it because I would rather just fight and make up than lose her. She means so much to me and to lose her would be like losing a part of my soul. I'm not immortal, i cant survive a blow to my soul. I can't make a horcrux and put part of my soul in it. She really is part of me now.
And yes, i thought about all of this in about a 10 minute span in theatre class today. Crazy, i know.
Until next time, may the odds be ever in your favour.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Today was just one of those days.
Steph here.
Everything seems so perfect. I'm sitting in my bedroom blogging with my kitten sleeping beside me and drinking fresca. But this is all just a false reality. In actual reality, my best friend is being tormented by her ex boyfriend. I can tolerate some things, most things actually, but that crosses a whole other line. Nothing bothers me more than seeing someone i care about being so torn apart by one person who doesn't fucking see that they should just get over it!
Along with that, today was just generally a shitty day. I was having trouble understanding anything someone said to me. I was especially jumpy and easily startled. People were pissing me off. I was forgetting the words to the songs i was singing in theatre class, which is soo not like me.
On a positive note, i have to make my vlog for the order tonight and post it tomorrow. And i'm FINALLY done my Macbeth unit un english class. No more fuckin Shakespeare. Thats it for positive things about today.
Ohh wait, theres one more thing. I'm going to start writing a song for the order on my guitar!! its gonna be kickin. i just need to figure out the lyrics lol
So anyways, back to the realm of false reality. Actual reality sucks. Seriously. Here in my realm of false reality, I've accomplished a lot of things. I published some of my stories. I've written a whole book of songs and lyrics and such. I have a boyfriend. I'm also a wizard, but thats besides the point lol
Speaking of boyfriends, My friend and i have this "game" we play that's basically describing each others perfect boyfriend. Mine would be the following:
Everything you do in life depends on the choices you make every day. Make the right choices now so that later on in life, things will be better.
Everything seems so perfect. I'm sitting in my bedroom blogging with my kitten sleeping beside me and drinking fresca. But this is all just a false reality. In actual reality, my best friend is being tormented by her ex boyfriend. I can tolerate some things, most things actually, but that crosses a whole other line. Nothing bothers me more than seeing someone i care about being so torn apart by one person who doesn't fucking see that they should just get over it!
Along with that, today was just generally a shitty day. I was having trouble understanding anything someone said to me. I was especially jumpy and easily startled. People were pissing me off. I was forgetting the words to the songs i was singing in theatre class, which is soo not like me.
On a positive note, i have to make my vlog for the order tonight and post it tomorrow. And i'm FINALLY done my Macbeth unit un english class. No more fuckin Shakespeare. Thats it for positive things about today.
Ohh wait, theres one more thing. I'm going to start writing a song for the order on my guitar!! its gonna be kickin. i just need to figure out the lyrics lol
So anyways, back to the realm of false reality. Actual reality sucks. Seriously. Here in my realm of false reality, I've accomplished a lot of things. I published some of my stories. I've written a whole book of songs and lyrics and such. I have a boyfriend. I'm also a wizard, but thats besides the point lol
Speaking of boyfriends, My friend and i have this "game" we play that's basically describing each others perfect boyfriend. Mine would be the following:
- Taller than me, but not by much. (I dont want to have to go on my toes to kiss him all the time)
- Short dark brown, dirty blonde or strawberry blonde hair.
- Green, blue or gold eyes.
- Sweet, not too overprotective, funny.
- Have things in common, but not too many things. It's always good to have things you like to do yourself
- He has to like my friends (or at least tollerate them. they can be a bit crazy sometimes)
Everything you do in life depends on the choices you make every day. Make the right choices now so that later on in life, things will be better.
Until next time, may the odds be ever in your favour.
Monday, January 3, 2011
CAUTION: NEW BLOGGER ON THE PREMESIS!!
Ok, so I'm a little bit dramatic... That just means i know how to express myself! (haha yeah right). I hear people all the time saying 'oh, i cant do it, i'm not talented enough' or 'i dont have the skills'. That's one of the things we humans like to call a pet peeve. i HATE when people say stuff like that. Seriously, just ask any one of my friends and they'll tell you about the intensely evil glares i give them when they doubt themselves. It's a quirk you have to learn to love if you're going to be friends with me.
I honestly never thought i would make it this far in life. Sure, I've had my fair share of screw ups and lost a few friends along the way, but it's been worth it in the end. I now have a few amazing friends that i know will stick by me. There's one in particular, but i'm not naming names. I think they'll know who they are when they read this. Just in case they're thinking a little slowly when they read it, I'll give a hint: Even then. 'Nuff said.
Along with being new to the neighborhood of blogging, i'm also joinging the vlogging world. I'm gonna be really really busy. What with being in a musical and doing a weekly vlog, and hopefully vlogging as often as possible.
Cuttin it short this time cuz it's late and i want to sleep lol
So until next time, may the odds be ever in your favour!
Ok, so I'm a little bit dramatic... That just means i know how to express myself! (haha yeah right). I hear people all the time saying 'oh, i cant do it, i'm not talented enough' or 'i dont have the skills'. That's one of the things we humans like to call a pet peeve. i HATE when people say stuff like that. Seriously, just ask any one of my friends and they'll tell you about the intensely evil glares i give them when they doubt themselves. It's a quirk you have to learn to love if you're going to be friends with me.
I honestly never thought i would make it this far in life. Sure, I've had my fair share of screw ups and lost a few friends along the way, but it's been worth it in the end. I now have a few amazing friends that i know will stick by me. There's one in particular, but i'm not naming names. I think they'll know who they are when they read this. Just in case they're thinking a little slowly when they read it, I'll give a hint: Even then. 'Nuff said.
Along with being new to the neighborhood of blogging, i'm also joinging the vlogging world. I'm gonna be really really busy. What with being in a musical and doing a weekly vlog, and hopefully vlogging as often as possible.
Cuttin it short this time cuz it's late and i want to sleep lol
So until next time, may the odds be ever in your favour!
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